Scouty’s Weblog

As usual, the emotional side of me has been generating tons of thoughts in my head… Thoughts about work, about personal stuffs, about my friends and about my empress.

Work issues had more or less been addressed, decision to move on is firmed and am serving my notice period. The anticipation level of moving over is getting higher as the days draws closer. From the way it looked, things should be more focused and perhaps can once again developed my library skills and improve my standing as a librarian. Over the past few months, am lucky to have made a few good friends at work. Indeed these are good people whom the organisation is lucky to have. I guess these are the folks that I will be missing when I move over to my new place. No more breakfast kaki and the ever ‘crazy’ Encik that keeps feeding me and my ‘kids’ with Chicken Basket.

Personal issues has always been one of the issue that is in my head. This time round, I was really being tested through and through. Trying to analysis a person hasn’t been so challenging, from reading the verbal and non-verbal ques to running through what the person had said and trying to make sense of it all, but yet couldn’t really draw a clear conclusion.Was pretty edgy for a while, as somehow I was a bit lost without being able to ’see’ what the person is thinking. Anyway, things had improved… Managed to get a good feel of things for now. So lets see how things move on, though things are progressing well in a certain way.

As for my friend’s issues… Well, not that I am capable of solving their problems, but just pretty concern about what they are going through now. Especially one of my good “bro”. Shall not dwell too much into this area, as it’s not too nice to be talking about other people’s issues. So lets just see how I can be the listening ear to them, their unofficial counsellor.

Now, the highlight of the issue. My Empress Granny…. Guess age is really catching up, she is starting to get forgetful about stuffs. Had asked me the same question 3 times and repeated something a few times as well. Was pretty disturbed by what is happening, though I recognise that it’s pretty much what will happen for someone her age. But again.. it’s just the bit of denial that it is happening to my Empress Granny.

Oh well…. Such is life I guess. Full of surprises, explore the mysteries and enjoy both the joy and sufferings that life has to bring.

Well… closing another chapter to my working life. A closure to the days with The Force. A bit of nostalgia feeling I must said.

I had entered the Force with pride, since it was one of my dreams to work in the civil sector and particularly with the Force. Furthermore, the feeling of knowing you belong to the Force just give one the sense of pride. This can also be felt by my parents, especially my mum who has been proudly telling relatives and friends that her son is working with the Force.

So the chapter with the Force began in Nov 2007. It was abit of a culture shock for a start, as the style of work was pretty complicated. Battle lines were drawn clearly and identifying who are the friendlies and who are the hostile were necessary. Despite having worked for a few years, I had a bit of a challenge to adjust to such intense working environment initially. Lucky there were good colleagues around to guide me along and also the words given by my Shifu, Mr Cheong.

In some way, the exposure was helpful.. as it does hone my interpersonal skills and it sure was a good learning experience. Kind of make me realised a lot of things as well.

There were good things that I had gained during my time with the Force.

• Had made a very good friend / buddy while attending our induction course together, till date.. we are still in contact, even though she had left the Organisation earlier than me.
• Had many “adopted kids” who are scattered around now…. At last count, I am supposed to be the proud “father” of 4 daughters and 6.5 sons. Seeing them leave and moving on to their next phase of life is kind of like marrying my kids off.
• In difficult times, there are still kind souls around in the work-place who will help you out. These people are really what the Force and Organisation needs.
• Perhaps, one of my biggest gain… That is to gain the status of para-counsellor in the Force. Being trained and appointed as a para-counsellor was one of my happiest moments in the Force.

With all things good, there will be its fair share of bad stuffs as well. Perhaps to sum it up using a few phrases might be more apt.

• What you see may not be what you get, learnt you must, to see things from different angles and sides.
• Smile they may be, but hidden behind the smile is what you cannot see.
• The equation for Give and Take is never equal.
• For every good soul out there, there will be a bad ass out there to spoil things.

I have people telling me that such things are common and it exists everywhere, which I agreed. However I had also came to realised that, there is still a different in the intense level. To quote an example, While Singapore tend to be blanket under constant rain-fall during the year-end monsoon season, but we will not have a situation where the whole island will be flooded, flooding will occur only on certain areas.

It’s just amazing how the chapter for this part of my working life closes. Personally didn’t expect such a closure, but I guess life itself it’s just that unpredictable.. Sometimes what you wish may not really be what you get. Such is the wonders of life.

So I guess it’s just time to move on to the next chapter….

What makes one does something that is at times beyond logical explanation?? Even though the result or outcome is pretty much predictable, yet sometimes one will still choose to do the not logical stuffs and hope for the best.

Self-denial or irrational?? No ones know the answer.. Cos perception is different and more so for the person when he/she is in the position. So I guess there is no right or wrong answer in that, as from different view-points, each person will have his/her rational and stand.

Sometimes when one is clouded by what they call affection or feelings, the impulse behaviour will tend to over-ride alot of other behaviour. Even for one that is known to be rational can go into an irrational state. Gut feel or instinct that was commonly used in decision-making process was also given a back-seat.

Again… what is right and what is wrong in these… No one can say for sure. While the rational side will tend to do a detail analysis of what is going on and the possible outcomes or even ROIs. The irrational side will just want to bask in the thrill of pursuing something that he/she will perceived to be a positive outcome.

Well.. why am I coming up with such a senseless post… I have no answer to that, but I know I want to get something out of my chest from what I had seen or encountered for the past weeks, but yet have to ensure there is enough confidentiality. Perhaps I should have rant out the issue onto my diary instead of here… Since I am sure no one will see my diary…. But then again, it’s the new media era…

Confusing it sure is… and boy am I getting confused too….