Had went back to office for some refresher course to update myself on the latest of the system, so as to prepare myself when I go to school come Jan 4.

It’s good to see some of the old colleagues back in office, the warm feeling was nice as it make me felt welcome, even though I had left and now back again. Furthermore, some of the library assistants were having their training there as well and they still remember me, their ex Zone Coordinator. So they start asking if I am back and will I be their ZC again.

Nice to know that I am still remembered after leaving for 2 years. The good things that I had done during my time as ZC was still being remembered by the library assistants. It’s so heart warming.

Am looking forward to the day where I will be posted back to office again and working with the good old friends in office.

Was on leave, supposed to be having training at the new office. However due to some last-minute changes, training was postpone. So spent a few hours in the new office catching up with the colleagues and surf net. Happened that some of the library assistants were back for training and they still remember me. So touched…

Since I had time in the afternoon, decide to pay my empress a visit. So dropped by my uncle’s place to spend the noon away. As usual, empress was happy to see me and chatted with her briefly before she go on to do her stuffs. As usual, the ever caring empress is always worried about if her grandson here has eaten anot, so she made me a cup of coffee when she was making her own. Hee… nice to get pampered by my empress.

Continue to chat with her in the kitchen and as usual, it’s the usual set of issues she brought up. So let her ventilate her issues and again using the soft approach to share with her my views and reassure her to take it easy.

Came to realised one thing, I think as age is catching up with her, she is requiring more attention from us. I can see the challenges faced by my aunts and uncle at home, cos she is with them everyday. While I am only with her once in a while, thus it is easy for me to give her the attention she needs. I can see that she enjoys the kind of gentle and soft approach I always give her, and I believe that is also the kind of attention she is getting from my elder sis. Not too sure if both of us are the one that is ’spoiling market’. But I guess she does need to be assure that we are there to listen to her, even though she may be repeating the same issues over and over again.

I know its easy for me to say, cos I don’t face her everyday. So I guess I have to make it a point to drop by and visit her more often, so as to let her have an outlet to air her issues.

Afterall, she is my empress and by placing her at the top spot of my Ladies Roll of Honor means I have to do more for her eh.

December…. The last month of the year.

Mind is still filled with thoughts over the matter… Don’t foresee any conclusion to the matter yet, cos things just get challenging. Sometimes I wonder if I should laugh at the situation I am putting myself into. As the old hokkien saying, “backside itchy”

Well… I guess there will never be a clear answer to the matter, cos different perspective will bring about different views and ways of handling the matter. Right now, other than airing my thoughts in some private domain to ventilate and hopefully that will help in making the mind less ‘crowded’ with thoughts.

Another good learning journey perhaps…..

As usual, the emotional side of me has been generating tons of thoughts in my head… Thoughts about work, about personal stuffs, about my friends and about my empress.

Work issues had more or less been addressed, decision to move on is firmed and am serving my notice period. The anticipation level of moving over is getting higher as the days draws closer. From the way it looked, things should be more focused and perhaps can once again developed my library skills and improve my standing as a librarian. Over the past few months, am lucky to have made a few good friends at work. Indeed these are good people whom the organisation is lucky to have. I guess these are the folks that I will be missing when I move over to my new place. No more breakfast kaki and the ever ‘crazy’ Encik that keeps feeding me and my ‘kids’ with Chicken Basket.

Personal issues has always been one of the issue that is in my head. This time round, I was really being tested through and through. Trying to analysis a person hasn’t been so challenging, from reading the verbal and non-verbal ques to running through what the person had said and trying to make sense of it all, but yet couldn’t really draw a clear conclusion.Was pretty edgy for a while, as somehow I was a bit lost without being able to ’see’ what the person is thinking. Anyway, things had improved… Managed to get a good feel of things for now. So lets see how things move on, though things are progressing well in a certain way.

As for my friend’s issues… Well, not that I am capable of solving their problems, but just pretty concern about what they are going through now. Especially one of my good “bro”. Shall not dwell too much into this area, as it’s not too nice to be talking about other people’s issues. So lets just see how I can be the listening ear to them, their unofficial counsellor.

Now, the highlight of the issue. My Empress Granny…. Guess age is really catching up, she is starting to get forgetful about stuffs. Had asked me the same question 3 times and repeated something a few times as well. Was pretty disturbed by what is happening, though I recognise that it’s pretty much what will happen for someone her age. But again.. it’s just the bit of denial that it is happening to my Empress Granny.

Oh well…. Such is life I guess. Full of surprises, explore the mysteries and enjoy both the joy and sufferings that life has to bring.

Attended the wedding dinner of my former secondary school mate, as with all wedding dinner that is from former secondary school mates. 99% of the time it will end up becoming a school / class gathering affair. So that last one on Saturday was no different.

Being placed on the same table with our former classmates, we start the usual catching up by updating what each of us are doing currently, single, attached or married and stuffs. Then one way or another, the whole conversation will divert to those days where we were in our secondary school, the constant troubles we all got into.

The amazing part about meeting up old friends through such settings is that, we may not have met for the longest time, but there is just no barriers that will stop us from making fun of each other, joking and talking about anything under the sun.

Cos among the friends sitting at the table, most of us had not really seen each other ever since we left our secondary school. So its like for the past 10 years, we have not met, but yet upon meeting up. We can talk and joke like close friends. Perhaps thats the wonders of being friends during our younger days. We tend to feel closer, since we kind of grow up together from a young kid to a teenager.

The whole dinner affair was pretty cool, especially the settings. As the whole restaurant was Shanghai theme, so the whole setting give you the experience of dining at one of those Shanghai style clubs (as per what I seen on TV), furthermore, there is a live-band and singer singing. So it really give you the feeling of being in a club. However, the food served was pretty disappointing, not that great from what I had expected. Even most of my friends were commenting the food is not good.

Actually our task for that night is to help the groom to drink, shall his guests tries to make him drunk, but our worries were unfounded and we ended up making one of the guy at our table drunk instead.

The night ended after we had our fill of alcohol with the bride and groom… To our amazement, the 10 of us can finish a bottle of VSOP Hennessy cognac, with each of us downing 3 glasses each.

Well… It was a fun night… Especially meeting up the old friends again. Was telling E, the next time we meet will most probably be the wedding of another former class-mate of ours, whom was the only one at the table who is attached but not married yet.

Well… closing another chapter to my working life. A closure to the days with The Force. A bit of nostalgia feeling I must said.

I had entered the Force with pride, since it was one of my dreams to work in the civil sector and particularly with the Force. Furthermore, the feeling of knowing you belong to the Force just give one the sense of pride. This can also be felt by my parents, especially my mum who has been proudly telling relatives and friends that her son is working with the Force.

So the chapter with the Force began in Nov 2007. It was abit of a culture shock for a start, as the style of work was pretty complicated. Battle lines were drawn clearly and identifying who are the friendlies and who are the hostile were necessary. Despite having worked for a few years, I had a bit of a challenge to adjust to such intense working environment initially. Lucky there were good colleagues around to guide me along and also the words given by my Shifu, Mr Cheong.

In some way, the exposure was helpful.. as it does hone my interpersonal skills and it sure was a good learning experience. Kind of make me realised a lot of things as well.

There were good things that I had gained during my time with the Force.

• Had made a very good friend / buddy while attending our induction course together, till date.. we are still in contact, even though she had left the Organisation earlier than me.
• Had many “adopted kids” who are scattered around now…. At last count, I am supposed to be the proud “father” of 4 daughters and 6.5 sons. Seeing them leave and moving on to their next phase of life is kind of like marrying my kids off.
• In difficult times, there are still kind souls around in the work-place who will help you out. These people are really what the Force and Organisation needs.
• Perhaps, one of my biggest gain… That is to gain the status of para-counsellor in the Force. Being trained and appointed as a para-counsellor was one of my happiest moments in the Force.

With all things good, there will be its fair share of bad stuffs as well. Perhaps to sum it up using a few phrases might be more apt.

• What you see may not be what you get, learnt you must, to see things from different angles and sides.
• Smile they may be, but hidden behind the smile is what you cannot see.
• The equation for Give and Take is never equal.
• For every good soul out there, there will be a bad ass out there to spoil things.

I have people telling me that such things are common and it exists everywhere, which I agreed. However I had also came to realised that, there is still a different in the intense level. To quote an example, While Singapore tend to be blanket under constant rain-fall during the year-end monsoon season, but we will not have a situation where the whole island will be flooded, flooding will occur only on certain areas.

It’s just amazing how the chapter for this part of my working life closes. Personally didn’t expect such a closure, but I guess life itself it’s just that unpredictable.. Sometimes what you wish may not really be what you get. Such is the wonders of life.

So I guess it’s just time to move on to the next chapter….

What makes one does something that is at times beyond logical explanation?? Even though the result or outcome is pretty much predictable, yet sometimes one will still choose to do the not logical stuffs and hope for the best.

Self-denial or irrational?? No ones know the answer.. Cos perception is different and more so for the person when he/she is in the position. So I guess there is no right or wrong answer in that, as from different view-points, each person will have his/her rational and stand.

Sometimes when one is clouded by what they call affection or feelings, the impulse behaviour will tend to over-ride alot of other behaviour. Even for one that is known to be rational can go into an irrational state. Gut feel or instinct that was commonly used in decision-making process was also given a back-seat.

Again… what is right and what is wrong in these… No one can say for sure. While the rational side will tend to do a detail analysis of what is going on and the possible outcomes or even ROIs. The irrational side will just want to bask in the thrill of pursuing something that he/she will perceived to be a positive outcome.

Well.. why am I coming up with such a senseless post… I have no answer to that, but I know I want to get something out of my chest from what I had seen or encountered for the past weeks, but yet have to ensure there is enough confidentiality. Perhaps I should have rant out the issue onto my diary instead of here… Since I am sure no one will see my diary…. But then again, it’s the new media era…

Confusing it sure is… and boy am I getting confused too….

To be rational means one will do things or execute something when he/she has ascertain all the facts and information needed. It also means making decisions that were carefully thought through.

An irrational person usually does things in the spur of the moment, more often than not, decision-making process revolves around things like emotions, feelings or even mood.

When one makes an irrational decision, does that mean the person has not gone through the thought process carefully and thus an irrational decision was made. But then again… who is to judge if a decision is rational or irrational. Different people with different perspective will view things differently. So who is to say if a decision is rational or not, I guess the question can only be answered by the one that makes the decision.

With our already complicated life, decision-making process is made more complicated when we factor in things like if a decision was a rational one or an irrational one. Sometimes even the decision maker may not even know if the decision he/she made is rational or irrational. That could be the reason why my ‘kid’ at work used to tell me to toss a coin, or rather ask the oracle when I can’t make a decision. (As a matter of fact, we had adopted a one dollar gold coin as our official oracle at my workplace.)

In life it’s all about making decision… To quote what my ex Snr Exec said. “If you made a decision, stand by your decision, regardless if it is good or bad.” This has been a quote that I remembered deeply in my heart, and had even used it on a few occasions when my friends are faced with decision-making problems….

I guess right now I am going to once again experience the true meaning behind the quote.

Had attended a court session of my friend. First time in my life enter the Subordinate Court, so didn’t really know what to expect amidst the excitement.

Reached the Court Room pretty early, as the session starts at 9.30am. So was chilling outside the court room while looking at some of the lawyers walking past.

Soon it was time for everyone to enter the Court Room. Seat alone at the corner, as my friend wasn’t here yet. So start to observe the whole works of a typical court session. Soon the group people awaiting sentencing were brought into the Court Room, they are those who have been in remand and thus they were in the remand attire. Shortly the judge arrives, everyone rise at the shout of “Court”. That signify the start of the court session, and from this moment on, everything became very strict and solemn. No using of handphone was allowed during court session, and the police on duty had to remind a few of the people in the court room of that.

So one by one, each accused were called up the deck and face the charges brought against them. Some came with lawyers, or defence counsel. A few of the cases were pretty clear cut, plead guilty and wait for the sentence melted out by the judge. Some of the charges, I felt the accused were pushing their luck by trying to mitigate, cos they seem to make things worse, especially without a lawyer to help. A few were even more daring in their mitigation plead, till I think they are pushing their luck abit too much.  I know some of us viewing the whole session were like just plead guilty for god’s sake… before you make things worse.

Overall it was quite an eye-opener for me, the sad part about the whole thing was, those that were convicted to imprisonment were brought away in front of their family members. I can’t imagine the thoughts running through the mind of the convicted person and the family members present in the Court Room. It’s like the accused was standing on deck, and upon receiving the sentence melted out by the judge, if he/she is to be remand or imprison, he/she will be asked to take a seat at the deck, particulars copied down and handcuff. Once there is at least 2 convict, they will then be brought out of the Court Room.

This scene kind of freaked me out, and it set me thinking that to get into trouble with the law is really a horrifying experience. Especially on the day one has to attend court. Cos you never know if you will walk out of the Court Room a free man or a handcuffed man.

Well, a first time for me I guess. To be in a Court Room going through 1 whole court session. Something I believe will be deeply entrenched in my memory.

Had tasted another defeat at The Game today. Got checkmated and the look on the victor’s face was seriously priceless, while the loser walked away disappointed, not because he lost but because of who he got checkmated by.

Seems like I am still a noob afterall, thinking I was able to handle The Game well. I guess experience does play a big part in these, afterall birds of the same feathers flock together. So to survive in such hostile place, it’s no wonder one must be apt in playing The Game.

Anyway… such is life in this reality world… Playing The Game to survive, either you checkmate the person, or you end up being checkmated. What a way to lead one’s life….